The Difference Between Love And Lust

The world is full of confusion on what love is.

When the words “I love you” are used it often really means “I need you.”

Many situations exist where people have relationships based on convenience rather than commitment and loyalty.

We often use the word love in place of the word like, communicating that we prefer something for its beauty or benefit to us.

Real love is a powerful force that conquers all things.

Let’s dive into how to easily identify love and its imposter called lust.

In 1st Corinthians 13 we find that love is extremely focused on the well being of another.

It says in verse 5 that love doesn’t seek its own way and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs against it.

This is a description of extremely selfless behavior and portrays the heart of God.

When we find ourselves in a situation, the only two ways of responding are to be a giver or to be a taker.

Whether we are focused more on ourselves or on the well being of those around us will determine our behavior.

Love is always selfless and lust is always selfish.

When we are reacting in an unkind way it is because of how a situation is affecting us personally.

Our focus on ourself is being made apparent by the unkind manner of our behavior.

How we treat others, especially when the pressure is on, reveals where our focus is directed in our heart of hearts.

If we lose our patience quickly with people it is because of how the situation is affecting us personally and this exposes a selfish motive inside our heart.

When our heart is full of God’s love, we will have immeasurable patience and understanding and a kindness that changes people’s lives from the impact we leave on them.

Love has everything to do with proper relationships.

Lust has everything to do with getting something we want.

Saying we love a person for their good looks or their charming humor is a confusion of the two principles.

Lust is defined as “An overwhelming desire or craving.”

This means the person lusting is putting what “they” want before the well being of the other person.

Lust says I’m with you because I want you for a list of things I can get from you, such as help in a situation, a pretty face, or compliments.

Love says you are my friend and I’m putting you first, even before myself, because you are a part of me.

Love is connected to who someone is to us, while lust is about what someone is to us.

Being in a relationship means to be a part of the other person and to make them your highest priority carrying a responsibility of caring for them and their well being.

Apart from God we cannot understand love properly because God is the source of love and we must be connected to the source or we will have no love in ourself.

Everything God does comes from the essence of who and what He is which is love. (1 John 4:8)

In John 15:13 the Lord Jesus says “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

After He said this, Jesus Christ went to the cross to prove His love for us by dying in our place the death we all should have had to die for our own sins.

The example He set here is extraordinary and displays what love actually looks like in action.

The sinless Savior, who was guilty of no crime against God and who broke no law, died to take away eternal punishment for all who would accept Him and follow His example.

The Lord Jesus was praying for the people murdering Him to be forgiven while they were murdering Him in Luke 23:34.

1 John 3:17 says that if we have the ability to provide for another person who is in need, and we don’t help them, then we are lacking the love of God.

This is the example Christ has set for us, in that dying for us He provided everything we would ever need as God’s children.

While the world is filled with endless writings that love is about feelings we have for the opposite gender, these feelings are often primarily driven by lust.

The inner desires we have create feelings that many people who are confused on the subject call love.

In Genesis 2:23 Adam uses the phrase “flesh of my flesh” to express his deep connection that he has with his wife in that she is a part of him and that her needs have become his top priority.

Love is about a connection with another person deeper than seeing them as a benefit or personal gain to one’s own self.

Sensuality is commonly inaccurately labelled as love.

Getting attention from others is a strong desire shared by practically all of humanity in our need for social connections and desire to be important.

Being so self focused we feel a desire to be needed, wanted, and to be special and we may feel like we love someone because they provide this attention for us.

Liking people for how they look and whether they are geometrically pleasing in our eyes is an attribute of lust in that we are perceiving the other person as artwork to enjoy rather than a part of ourselves to care for.

These factors are all connected to what we can get from the other person, rather than what we can give them.

While appreciating someone’s physical beauty is helpful in feeling connected to them, the real person lives inside of a body with feelings, thoughts and dreams, and a personality that defines who they really are.

God patterned marriage to teach us how love really works and what it is all about.

A man is meant to take a wife as an extension of himself to care for and carry out God’s purpose for him in loving her above himself reproducing God’s own image in love. (Genesis 1:26 - 1 John 4:8)

Marriage vows are a portrait of commitment and loyalty that opposes all that lust stands for in its selfish nature.

The man and the woman together give life and put each other and the child first, rather than putting themselves first.

The entire picture painted is one of giving and selflessness and intended that way deliberately by its designer to bring God glory.

Even in the animal kingdom of nature a mother having a strong connection to her child will fight and die to protect it rather than run away from danger leaving them behind.

Love is about responsibility and carrying the heavy weight of providing for another’s needs and putting them first even above one’s own self.

Lust, on the other hand, often manifests itself as the mutual worshipping of each other in a relationship as a “scratch each other’s back” self-benefit partnership.

Lust takes without concern for the other person’s needs.

Love gives relentlessly without needing or requiring repayment.

The child cannot repay the parent for caring for them day after day, yet the parent cares for the child and provides for them selflessly because of this genuine love in their heart.

The parent carries the heavy weight of providing, just like God has done in sending His Son Jesus to die for our sins and provide for us even though we cannot repay Him.

Without being connected to the source of love none of us could manage to continue in selflessness and kindess.

1 John 4:19 says “We love him, because he first loved us.”

This is the principle of “First Love” in the Bible, and is founded in the simple truth that we must stay focused on God’s love for us day after day.

Without the love of God and knowing that He loves us first we will easily be depleted of love in ourselves and will be driven by what we can gain from others rather than what we can give.

While the world can teach “self love” until the end of time, it will work no better than trying to recharge a dead battery by connecting it to itself.

Loving one’s own self is selfishness and contradictory to what true love really is in that love puts the other person first.

Just as a cup cannot fill itself with water, neither can a person fill themselves with love.

If we will let God fill our cup with His love, then no one can drink us dry as we will be overflowing with love.

We need God’s endless and overwhelming love for us to be filled with real lasting love.

In John 15:5 Lord Jesus describes this principle as Him being the vine and us being the branches.

Unless we are connected to the source that is rooted in God’s love, we cannot bear good fruit. (Galations 5:22)

As we walk through our day, we should remind ourselves how much God loves us from John 3:16, in that God sent His Son to set us free from ourselves and our sin.

When we learn to rely on this love from God, we will find a new strength and beauty in our soul being connected to the source of love that will never run dry.